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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Guilty Pleasure

Have you ever had a guilty pleasure?
And no, I'm not talking about food here. I'm talking about a person.
A person that you know will bring you no good, but you still want 'em in your life anyway. Then, you'll feel guilty after you let them be.

I bet most of you had.

It sucks to have this sort of guilty pleasure. Worse than food!!!

I've had it once.
And in my case, it's my ex (well, most of cases is). After we broke up, I kept having this urge to call him or text him to just talk things out. I tried and tried to not give in. I succeed most of the time, but there were times when it's just so hard because I really missed him.

At day, I'm perfectly fine cos I'd always try to keep myself busy and be surrounded by people. At night, I'd just suddenly become this really fragile person that I swear, I HATE so much. Many times I reached for my phone, but then put it back again. I kept telling myself that I will definitely regret it if I give in. At times, it worked. At other times, it didn't. I texted. And surely, the next morning, I regret it big time and guilt started to bite the hell out of me.

Why did I regret it? Because I put on so much effort to forget and move on. And texting him means I just blew off all my efforts then I'll have to start all over again.
I'll have to start distant myself all over again. I hate it.

And it makes me hate myself even more for being weak.

I've always found it weird when people sobbing their eyes out for days just because of an ex. I'd be like "Just move on for godsake!! You're only wasting your time and tears!! Don't be such a wuss!" And to think that I was one of them was just killing me inside. I hate being hopeless and weak just because of  a guy. It's like wasting my time and all. It's something I deemed to be useless. I hate to make t a big fuzz if it just a guy. But, I guess it's true that you do need to mourn just a lil' bit. you just can't help it, you know?

I just couldn't wait to get over you. To get rid of this fucking guilty pleasure.

And now, I'm glad I've done it. I got over you. I'm glad I didn't just give in to my guilty pleasure (after many failures try -__-").

You're not my guilty pleasure anymore. I can say that for sure now =)

p.s. blogging in the morning..that's new :p
p.p.s. wow, I just write a whole entry about my personal feeling. That's damn new!!! I've always feel a bit weird about it. But whatevs, it's my blog anyway :p
p.p.p.s. DO get rid of your guilty pleasure!! It feels so good!

kay.bye.have a nice day!! ^^

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