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Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Happiness.

I'm happy.

I think this is the happiest I've been in a long time.

The past few years, I had been a touch depressed here and there. I wasn't actually suicidal or anything, but every now and then, there was this nagging feeling that I just wanted everything to end; thinking it wouldn't be the worst thing to just pass on.

But now, I just feel this burst of life, that I want to continue on living my life to the fullest. Thinking back, the change happened almost instantly.

I've never been this giddy before. I've never missed someone so much. I've never felt this pumping feeling on my chest just at the thought of a person. It's new, and it got me surprised that I'm capable to feel like this. Just seeing the name gives my heart a bit of a jolt. 

The previous ones, it was always such a high at the beginning that faded out as time went on. But this one, it started out pretty chill and it just grew and grew and continues to grow that I feel like it's gonna explode.  I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been this vulnerable to the so called feeling. Is this gonna be okay?

In the decade that I have this blog, I'm pretty sure this is the first time I pen out something so...mushy?...ooey gooey?...like this.

My heart, be still.

Think I just vomit in mouth a little while proof-reading this. This is just too much feeling for me. Dafuq happened.

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