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Friday, July 24, 2020

Hey Sam,

Happy Birthday.

I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'm too cool for school to say all this directly to you, but I also need to pen this feeling down just so I can remember it in the future in case you annoy the fuck outta me, which you often do.

The short version of what I want to say is: Thank You.

Thank you so so much.

Thank you for being my sounding board even though we've parted ways almost 2 years ago.

Wow, 2 years. 

Sounds so long ago, but feels like it was just some moons ago. That's because you managed to make all that transition easier on me, you didn't just cold-heartedly leave me and cut me off, which you know full well that that is something I'd do. So thank you for not being someone like me. For not having ill-wish to torture me emotionally even after everything I had put you through. That takes a big, loving heart.

They say platonic friendship between exes is non-existent. But we've showed them up, right?

Okay, maybe not the first year, but now, now we're in a good place. If it's not fully platonic yet, at least it's mostly platonic.

When you date your best friend, you risk of losing them when the relationship's over. For someone as closed off as me, it's hard finding a best friend that I can trust enough to pour everything out. So thank you for still being my best friend.

You've showed me that our friendship means so much to us that even after the relationship's over, that friendship is just too precious to be thrown away with it. You didn't just write off 8 years of friendship, so now we're able to count it to 9.

To hell with anyone who says being close friends with your ex is not healthy or weird.

They don't know us, they don't what we had gone through together, because you know it wasn't all rainbow and sunshine, we'd been through thick and thin together. There is so much history there that they don't know. And it's not a history we wanna repeat, but it's always gonna be there.

They don't know what we went through just so we could save the friendship part of our crumbling relationship. We had to learn to navigate through the muddy path of being friends with someone you still deeply care for, but also kinda hate at the beginning cos we were both hurt. 

But we did it. We came out the other side having only love and care for each other, no hard feelings nor resentment. True, it's not a love that a relationship can be built up upon, but that's the point right? It's a much less volatile type of love, a platonic philia love, which better suits us 'cos let's be real, we were kinda toxic and destructive towards one another when it was the other way. So who are they to say that this friendship's not healthy? How dare they? Fuck them, right? Our relationship was not healthy, I'll give 'em that.

So, instead of dwelling into all that negativity, let's toast to our friendship that we've built and the years ahead of it. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being a constant in my life when even someone who's supposed to be one, isn't.

You're a year older, I hope wiser too. And I hope you nothing but the best, you freaking deserve it. I hope you'll be as happy as a person possibly could. I hope she is a much much better partner than I ever was (ok fine, I admit, I was kinda the worst. You shut up) and I hope she's everything you deserve, 'cos you deserve a great one. I hope your work will go on smoothly and everything will fall into place 'cos I know you work hard and you deserve a good life. Importantly, I hope you'll always be healthy and get to enjoy this life to the fullest.

Happy Birthday :)

P.s. In case you do read this, don't tell me. Just act like you haven't and for the love of God, don't patronise me about it or I'll hit you over the head with a 20kg Bolt cat. kthxbye.

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